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Tag: fear

My #1 Tactic for Getting Around Fear

Fear is a big obstacle for many people. Fear can stop us in our tracks. Fear can ruin our dreams.

Fear of success. Fear of failure. Fear that your secrets will be discovered. Fear of imperfection. Imposter Syndrome. The list could go on and on. In fact, there are so many ways that fear can derail us that I plan to write a lot more about it.

So how do we overcome fear? Good question – and there isn’t just one answer. But today I am sharing my number one solution to stop fear from stopping me.

Release The Fear

This is the ideal, isn’t it? Imagine how it would feel if you woke up one day and all your fear was magically gone! Sounds impossible…and it is. Too bad! But it IS possible to release one fear at a time.

Consider this acronym for F.E.A.R. False Evidence Appearing Real. Your fears are real, but what if they are based on inaccurate information?

Try it for yourself: choose a single fear, then look for evidence that this is a false assumption.

My Example of F.E.A.R.

I see a quilt pattern I like, so I buy the fabric and pattern to make it. I open the pattern instructions and I’m hit with fear that I can’t do this. It’s too complex. It’s too many steps. Some of the instructions are over my head. I’m convinced I can’t master this, so I throw it in the corner. I’m afraid I can’t do it. I’m afraid that if I try it, I’ll end up with a crappy result. People will point and laugh at my feeble attempts. (Wow, I’m really good at finding fears!)

Am I right? Let’s see.

  • Have I followed patterns before? Yes.
  • Have I followed difficult patterns before? Yes.
  • Have I had trouble with a pattern before? Yes.
  • Was I able to find help when I ran into trouble? Yes.
  • Can I follow the pattern one step at a time, instead of jumping ahead and getting lost? Yes. I might not like it, but I can slow down.
  • Have I mastered other quilting and sewing techniques? Yes. But I had crappy results until I mastered those techniques.
  • Can I make a sample block to see where I need to get help or figure out a technique? Yes.
  • Has anyone ever laughed at my efforts? Yes, actually. But I survived, and had a few laughs myself.
  • Is this fear real? Yes. Absolutely. Denying a fear is not at all helpful. But the evidence shows that I can do it anyway.

That leads me to one of the best resources I’ve ever used to release a fear. This book, “Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway”, written by Susan Jeffers. I re-read this book regularly, and every time I get something new from it.

Will you fix or remove fear forever?

Of course not! Fear is a natural part of being alive and an essential survival skill. Fear alerts us to look a little deeper, to be aware of the real danger. It is also an opportunity to look for possibilities. We can identify the dangers. We can put safeguards in place. We CAN succeed.

Let fear be your friend.

A word of warning. If you decide to look for a T.E.A.R. (True Evidence Actually Real), you will also find that. If you can’t avoid looking for this evidence, remember to also look for the opposite.

I recommend making a list of your successes. It is empowering to see just how many times you defeated your fears. You can take this a step further and write down at least three successes every day. It might look like “I combed my hair, I fed my cat, and I fed myself” some days, and that’s ok!

Dream big. Be afraid. Find your possibilities and go for it!

P.S. the link above is an affiliate link. If you click and buy this book, I may earn a small commission. Bonus: you will be giving me evidence that I can earn money with my writing – and I thank you for your support!

Why I Blog

There’s something special about turning 50. For me, it was like flipping a switch. I suddenly felt I had permission to let go of all the restrictive behaviours I learned in the previous four decades.

I have been waiting for this decade all my life!

Turning 50 also had a few surprises. At 49 I ended up in the hospital with necrotizing pneumonia. If you know your Latin, you know that anything with “necrotizing” in the diagnosis is bad.

Nine days in the hospital, over 2 liters of fluid drained from my lungs, massive amounts of antibiotics, and then I was released. I was weak as a kitten. Walking more than a dozen steps was exhausting. Stay tuned, I have a story about this day that will likely end up in a novel!

Less than a month out of hospital I began experiencing stroke-like symptoms. Freaked me out. Freaked my husband out. Back to the emergency department. It turned out to be a benign meningioma and my neurosurgeon successfully removed it. Thank goodness it wasn’t cancer, but brain surgery is still no picnic.

While my health scares were treated quickly, the after effects have been a little hard to deal with. I also experienced childhood trauma, which didn’t make my more recent recovery any easier. I’m still healing.

Now here I am in my 50s. I am alive in the “me too” age, and I’m so grateful to see that trauma recovery resources are available to people of every age now.

Turning 50 was a turning point for me. After two health scares, and decades of fear around my childhood experience, I decided that enough is enough. Fear, I have realized, is the backside of excitement. Those butterflies in my stomach can stop me, or they can lift me up to new heights.

Today I give myself permission

  • To speak out when I have something to say.
  • To seek help when I need it.
  • To help others when I can.  
  • To follow my dreams.

Even when it is scary. Maybe ESPECIALLY when it is scary.

So why this blog?

When I retired my business in 2018, I expected to be happily retired with my husband. I expected to keep myself busy with new hobbies, like quilting and sewing. I expected to keep learning. And I have done all of that.

One thing I want to do in retirement is to write my novels. I’m not doing that. So this blog is my outside influence to help me stay on course.

I also created a private Facebook group. If you’ve ever felt you could achieve your big dreams if you only had a little support and encouragement, come on over and join me there. It’s an informal mastermind group, with “get-it-done” days, and opportunities to share ideas.

What would you create in your life if you didn’t let fear get in the way?

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