purpose – Live Cheap Dream Big

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How To Let Your Emotions Lead You To Your Purpose

On August 19, 2020

We’re told to “find your purpose” and to “live on purpose” and then our lives will be fulfilling. But that can be frustrating when we aren’t sure of what our purpose is! What does “finding your purpose” mean, and how do we do it?

I find my purpose through my emotions. Emotions are a great indicator of when you’re on the right or wrong track. If you’re struggling to find your purpose, take a few minutes and make a Purpose List. You might want to use a spreadsheet for this (if that’s your thing!) but a piece of paper works just as well.

Label the columns across the top:

Activity
People
Place
Technology/Tools
Rating
<Leave the last column blank>

Fill In Your List

Under the Activity label, list all the activities that can put you in the zone, where you lose track of time and you feel peaceful when you finish the activity.

Under the People label, note how many people are involved. In my list, most of the activities that can put me in the zone are solitary, it’s just me. A stage performer might need a cheering audience, stagehands, and fellow performers.

Under the Place label, note the physical environment for each activity. You may need to list several places when the activity, photography as an example, can be done in lots of places. On my list, quilting is done primarily in my quilting studio. I can hand sew in another location – I can take it with me when I’m camping, or work on it from the family room with the tv on, or take it along when I am visiting a friend.

Under the Technology/Tools label, note the equipment needed for the activity. For quilting I need a sewing machine, sewing tools and supplies, and possibly software for quilting or embroidery. Gardening requires gardening tools, fertilizer, seeds, garden space, etc.

Rate Your Activities

Once you’ve listed all the activities you enjoy add your rating using a scale of 1 to 5.

A rating of 1 means you would find a way to do the activity no matter what, because it is essential to you. Does an activity make you feel peaceful? Bring you joy? Make you lose track of time? Those should be rated as a 1, 2 or 3.

A rating of 4 or 5 means you enjoy the activity, but it isn’t a high priority right now.

I rate writing as a 1 because it’s something I have done all my life and life would not be worth living if I couldn’t do it. I rate sewing clothing for myself as a 5 because I want the end result, but I can’t produce it yet.

Why Not?

Now for that unlabeled column. Label this one “Why Not?” This is where you get to dig a little deeper. Give yourself more than a few minutes to complete this part.

Look at each activity and think about why you don’t spend more time doing it. Maybe you don’t have time, or you don’t have money to buy supplies or equipment, or you don’t have the space available. Those are easy things to spot.

Now dig into those emotional clues. Does an activity cause you frustration? Sadness? Fear? Embarrassment? You’ll want to dig deeper into those ones.

Maybe you have family members (including pets!) who interrupt your favorite activity which causes so much frustration that you stop the activity. In my case, when my cat wants me to take her outside for some play time, she will jump on the tables in my quilt studio or scratch on the furniture. She knows she isn’t allowed to do those things, but she also knows that she will get my attention that way. My first option is to give her treats on her perch. If that doesn’t cue her to curl up and nap, I end up taking her outside.

Another example for me is sewing clothing for myself. I really want to sew my own clothing, but I get angry and frustrated when my efforts don’t result in a flattering, well-fitting piece of clothing. In my Why Not column I list time, skill, and knowledge. I have taken classes and I have worked with several informal mentors. I watch You Tube videos and read books to learn. What I haven’t done is take the time to practice the techniques and develop my skill.

Evaluation

Now that you have filled in your Purpose list, evaluate it. How many activities are rated at 1? Can you possibly do all those things within the time you have available? How many are rated as 5? What would you need to do to change the fives to a 1, 2 or 3?

If you decide a 5 rated activity will never make it to at least a 2 rating, it’s not likely to be part of your life purpose. Give yourself permission to let it go. How does that feel? Is there a sense of relief?

Now give yourself permission to focus the time and energy you’ve released from that 5 rated activity on a 1 activity. If you feel a renewed excitement, you’re on the right track. If, however, you feel sadness or even grief at giving up the 5 activity, re-evaluate it. Maybe it’s actually a 3.

Developing a stronger awareness of emotions is an excellent tool for discovering your purpose. Evaluating your interests and rating them gives you insight into the activities that resonate most strongly.

Being able to prioritize your top interests can be life changing. Many of us fall into the trap of thinking we must do it all, right now. That’s not true. We may have responsibilities that are essential, but we also have time to focus on our own purpose. If we don’t have time to focus on all our interests now, we can set some aside until we can focus on them.

Giving yourself permission to let go of some activities – not forever but at least for short term – can also be motivating. I had an interest in quilting for many years, but I set it aside until I had the time and the money to be able to do it. Now I enjoy it that much more because I’ve had all those years to anticipate the fun I would have someday.

Ready to live your life on purpose now? Go for it!

If you’d like my help to create your Purpose List, get in touch with me. I’m happy to help.

It’s a Sad Day

By bonnietw

On June 19, 2020

In Dream Big, Thinking Out Loud

I was hit with all kinds of doubts and fears this past week. I knew I was on the wrong track. I felt powerless. I had built up momentum on this track, I didn’t know how to shift that momentum to the right track.

My solution was to have a Sad Day.

What’s a Sad Day?

It’s not an acronym. It’s not a gimmick. It’s not a series of actions or exercises that magically make everything turn out right. It’s simply a day that I can feel sad.

Feeling our feelings is hard.

For people who have experienced trauma (isn’t that everyone?) allowing ourselves to fully feel any feeling can be terrifying. It can feel like a loss of control that will lead to complete destruction of the safe environment we’ve created. Feeling sadness can open the floodgates to overwhelming grief, anger, or depression.

Society still, even with all the progress we’ve made, tries to keep us from feeling our feelings. Or talking about them.

We try to push our feelings aside so we can examine them at a more convenient time. When that convenient time comes it’s often too late to process those feelings or act on them.

We pretend those feelings don’t exist. We think that if we admit to being sad, we are automatically labeled as depressed. Or manic because the day before we were overjoyed because something good happened.

I didn’t do any of those things this time. I decided to just have a Sad Day and let those feelings happen.

I gave myself permission to take the day off from being a happy responsible adult. I didn’t do the housecleaning or cooking or hobbies that I normally would do. I didn’t do anything productive that I normally would do.

Fortunately, I have a super supportive husband who understands Sad Days. When I told him I was taking a Sad Day, he picked up the slack where it was necessary. He knows I will do the same for him.

I wrote in my journal. I watched some Netflix. I wandered around doing nothing. I reveled in my sadness. I embraced my sadness. I listened to my sadness.

Sadness Has A Message For You

My sadness had a big message for me. In creating this blog, I followed a path laid out by others. I highly recommend learning by following an example, as it is a fast way to learn without distractions. But I forgot an important step. I didn’t pay enough attention to what I genuinely wanted to create.

My goal with this blog is to stay motivated as I write my novel. A second goal is to earn income. The recommended way to earn income quickly is to provide services. I agree with this recommendation…but it is not the ONLY way to earn income.

Copywriting and coaching services are great services and I can definitely provide them. In fact, up until 2018 that is what I provided. My Sad Day was a wake-up call that I had just recreated what I had retired in 2018 because it was not serving my purpose any more. Oops.

My Sad Day extended into the next day. I needed a little bit more time to fully integrate the message that I need to clearly define semi-retirement. There was a lot to discover after nearly 30 days on this right-turned-wrong track.

My husband, being the awesome man he is, started to nudge me along. It took him three tries to get me outside. Being outside almost always improves my mood! He built a fire in the firepit and we sat in front of the fire. He listened while I shared my discoveries. We talked about our goals as a retired couple, and how this blog/my novel fits into our shared lifestyle.

And then I went back to work. I started to re-define the blog purpose.

Not services.
Information and research – for my novel and for others.
Motivation – for myself and for others.
Recommendations for creative makers, to help them live the life they dream of.

Knowing my purpose makes it easier to identify my opportunities. How can I earn an income if the majority of my time is spent on writing and researching?

I can easily make recommendations for services or products that I have tested and researched. That’s affiliate marketing at its best. (At its worst, affiliates promote things they have no knowledge of, just to get a commission.)

I can easily use my research to write and sell ebooks that will be of value to others. I’m doing the work anyway, why not make it available? If it helps someone else to find their purpose, or to create a more successful business, that will be a bonus for me.

Today I am back on track. I have a plan to rewrite a few parts of my blog. I have my motivation back. It doesn’t feel daunting to do my daily goal. It feels exciting to move forward again.

We all need Sad Days. They give us insights into our own behaviours. They provide new opportunities to live our dreams.

The next time a Sad Day taps at your soul, stop and listen for the message. Find someone you can talk to once you hear the message. Sharing your discoveries can shine a light on new opportunities.

Let me know in the comments how you handle a Sad Day.

Live Cheap Dream Big

Living the dream on a shoestring budget