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Tips For Traumatic Medical Appointments

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On October 15, 2020

In Resources, Thinking Out Loud

I have a dentist appointment today. Like many people, I freak out at the dentist.

Who Wouldn’t Be Afraid?

I am powerless and someone is going to hurt me, and I have no control over that.

Gaining control over my fear is something I do have power over. It’s not easy, but it’s possible. I have had help in coming up with a plan for today, and I will do my best to follow the plan.

This appointment is at a teaching clinic. During the initial “get to know me” appointment, I shared ALL of the trauma that contributed to my TMJ issues. No details, just that certain kinds of trauma happened. One trauma was a surprise to the student dentist, and I am quite sure that information was shared among the other students.

In fact, I hope it was shared. It is important to know how to deal with patients who have been traumatized. Be assured that it will come up at some point. I am honoured to be a “teaching patient”.

His response to me was excellent…and incomplete. He classified this trauma as a psychological trauma rather than physical trauma to the jaw (which is all I was sharing). His expectation is that the psychological trauma will cause me to feel pain differently than someone who has not been traumatized. And that I will have anxiety issues. These two assumptions may (are probably) correct. But my point was that there have been multiple physical traumas to my jaw and that information is essential to forming a complete picture, which will lead to the most effective treatment.

I wrote this post because I realize that my experiences can help others. I am late to the game in learning coping strategies that are really effective. Up until a few years ago I believed my only solution was grit my teeth and get through it…which may explain some of that TMJ problem! There are better options for traumatized patients, and I truly believe that the medical community wants to understand how to help us too.

Tips For Student Doctors

DO ask more questions when you get to a sensitive topic to ensure that you understand the patient. Traumatized people often need compassionate encouragement to fully express some things. I don’t think I fully expressed the fact that it was physical trauma I was reporting, and that the psychological trauma is something I am successfully addressing elsewhere. Being heard is a relief to many traumatized patients.

DO respect the patient’s choices. Your patient may opt not to answer and that’s ok. For some patients, explaining only increases their anxiety.

PRO TIP: offer the patient the choice not to answer.

Tips For All Medical Students

DO absorb the trauma information that has been shared. Don’t take on the trauma. Your job is not to be a therapist (unless that is the profession you’ve chosen!). Your patient doesn’t need your sympathy, they need to know you have the information to treat them effectively.

DO adjust your treatment of the patient accordingly. Be sensitive to the idea that your treatment may trigger a traumatic response. It’s not about you. You can help by understanding this and not taking it personally. For me, a clinical approach (“just the facts, ma’am”!) really helps. For others, it may be different.

DO ask your instructors for help if you’re unsure how to help a traumatized patient. Consider doing some role play scenarios with your fellow students to practice.

DO ask the patient how you can best support them today. Accept that they might not know immediately how you can support them. Let them know you will listen if they choose to speak up later.

DO NOT use the patient’s disclosure as a springboard for sharing your traumatic experiences. Your patient is already dealing with their own traumas, they do not need to (and can not) process yours. They are not being rude; they simply don’t have the bandwidth for anything more. If they were not already dealing with their own crap, chances are that they would want to be a compassionate listener for you. PLEASE DO get help from a qualified therapist if that will be helpful to you.

UNDERSTAND that your patient needs to be “selfish”, to focus all their attention on their coping strategies during the appointment.

DO be gentle with yourself. We are all learning. If you feel you made a mistake, acknowledge it, learn how to do better next time, and move on. If you need help, ask your instructors. You can even ask your patients for feedback, if you give them the option to not answer if they don’t feel comfortable.

Tips For The Medical Community

DO expect to deal with a lot of traumatized patients. They are everywhere. I expect every medical professional has had a traumatized patient that was a challenge to treat. Hats off to you for continuing the work you do.

DO educate yourselves. A ton of resources are available now that were not available a decade or more ago. Learn about ACEs, Adverse Childhood Experiences. Here is one resource: https://www.albertafamilywellness.org/what-we-know/aces.  Read The Deepest Well https://amzn.to/341rk9y (affiliate link) by Nadine Burke Harris, M.D. I’m confident that the medical community has access to many more resources for treating traumatized (aka “difficult”) patients.

PRO TIP: share resources you find helpful with your medical community. Share (respecting privacy of course!) experiences and strategies for supporting your traumatized patients.

DO ask how you can best support a patient who discloses trauma to you. Ask them how you can support them to get through the appointment. Don’t be surprised if they don’t have an answer right away and tap you on the arm 15 minutes later with an answer.

Tips For Traumatized Patients

This is your appointment. This is your time. Do whatever you need to do to cope with the anxiety, the fear, and whatever else is happening. You do not need to apologize for being a “difficult” patient, it’s not your fault you’re emotionally overloaded.

DO tell the medical staff what you will be/are experiencing (anxiety, zoning out, dissociation, etc.).

DO tell the medical staff what you need (frequent breaks from dental treatment, instructions written down in case you’ve missed something because you zoned out, specific help with grounding – like the doctor saying your name and checking in with you, etc.).

DO give the medical staff the opportunity to help you. If they didn’t care about you, they never would have gone into a medical profession. Make this assumption until proven wrong…if you’re wrong, find a different professional.

DO get help from your own support people to make a plan for coping before you get to the appointment.

Above all, give yourself a high five. You can do this. I believe in you.

Share Your Comments

Do you have coping strategies for scary situations? Consider sharing them in the comments. Your strategy might be the perfect one to someone who really needs it.

Do You Need a Mastermind Group?

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On June 7, 2020

In Live Cheap, Marketing, Resources

What is a mastermind group?

  • Imagine meeting a group of people who freely share ideas, techniques, and resources to help you succeed.
  • Imagine a group of people who cheer you on as you work towards your goals.
  • Imagine a group of people who support you when your idea fails, and who help you re-imagine an idea that will succeed.

That’s the essence of a mastermind group. A small group of people who are invested in your success, and who depend on you to do the same for them.

I have been a member of several mastermind groups. Without exception, I have succeeded – and exceeded – in my goals more easily than if I had done it all on my own.

There is safety in numbers. There is also more opportunity. The image on this post shows how animals gather in a group. Each animal looks in a different direction, on the lookout for dangers as well as opportunities.

When people gather with a common constructive goal, the results have been proven. People are more successful.

Mastermind groups are successful for businesses, but they are also used for all types of groups.

Want to Join a Mastermind Group?

I created a private Facebook group that will be an informal mastermind group. Hop on over and check it out.

You can get my Guide to Creating a Mastermind Group as a free welcome gift when you subscribe to my email list. On the right side of your screen you’ll see where you can enter you name and email. Make sure you click the option to receive my email updates. Your guide will be on its way to you immediately by email. Use it to create your own mastermind group tailored specifically to your goals.

I belong to a fiber art group that meets twice a month. I have increased my skills and artistic expression as a result. I have been encouraged to try new techniques – and even when my results are laughable, they see and validate my progress.

Why I Love Mastermind Groups

This is a paper pieced house that is intended to become a wall hanging (the pattern is from https://www.quilterscache.com/). It started as a project with my fiber art group, but it turned out to be a major learning opportunity for me.

I was new to paper piecing. I printed the patterns at the wrong sizes – so the pieces didn’t fit together. Eventually I started over with this project. Then I lost it. It is somewhere in my quilting studio, but who knows when I will find it again!

My point is that I never would have pushed on with this project if it hadn’t been for my fiber art group. They encouraged me even when they saw my mismatched sizes – and provided tips for how to print patterns correctly. Now they remind me to keep looking for it so I can finish it.

Regardless of your goals, having a cheering section is going to make your work a lot more fun.

My Thoughts On Racism

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On June 2, 2020

In Resources, Thinking Out Loud

I am horrified by what is happening in the U.S. The level of racism and hatred and violence is increasing. I’m sickened but can’t stop watching. I’m triggered but still can’t stop watching.

I kept wanting to share anti-racist memes on Facebook. Something kept stopping me. It felt like an easy pass – “I posted this, so I’ve done my part now”. I felt I needed to go deeper. I started wondering what I can do PERSONALLY in day to day life. How can I be sure I’m not accidentally saying or doing the wrong things?

“Oh, it’s not that bad in Canada” you say? That is the worst argument ever for ignoring this. It is happening here too and eventually will escalate if we don’t stop it now. Most Canadians have friends or family in the U.S. and Canada. We have influence, even if it is a small influence.

I believe we are ALL human beings regardless of our appearance. Regardless of any other label that gets attached to a person. Personally, I hate labels. I feel that they divide us even more.

I understand that special interest groups are formed to provide a stronger voice, to fight for inclusion and equality – but I so wish they were not necessary. Wouldn’t it be a better world if special interest groups formed to share and celebrate their common characteristics, rather than huddling together for survival and safety?

I believe everyone deserves to be treated with respect and compassion. The only place we should be judged is in court as a direct result of our actions – and there is a (usually peaceful) process for that.

What CAN I do personally?

It’s easier to see why people react the way they do when we understand their story. Being on the receiving side of racism is traumatic. I can’t even begin to understand what that is like. What’s happening now is yet another full-on cultural trauma that will be felt for generations.

Examining my own white privilege and biases is eye opening. Admitting I need to change is scary. It triggers a few of my own trauma reactions. But I am not letting that stop me.

There is so much healing needed – for the entire country, both U.S. and Canada. I encourage you to have these discussions with your family and your friends.

My husband and I had a good discussion about this yesterday. We talked about what is happening in the U.S. We examined a few of our biases. We talked about how we can change our biases by learning about different cultures to understand their beliefs. We will continue to discuss it and we both want to do our part to change it.

I can challenge the family member who talks trash about people because of their appearance or their culture. I already do that. What do they know about that person’s experience or culture? Can I share what I have learned? I need to learn more, and I need to pay attention to when my biases pop up. We all have them.

I can refuse to engage in conversations or actions that insult and harm another human being. Speak up, say I am not willing to be a part of this, walk away, or challenge their point of view. I already do that, although not as well as I would like. The need to be included in a group is sometimes stronger than my moral compass.

What can you do?

Can you think of a time when you didn’t speak up on someone’s behalf – and wish you had?

Will you refuse to take on clients who are racist? And how will you screen them, so you KNOW their values?

Will you refuse to hire people – employees or businesses – who don’t value equality? How do we even do this? I admit, it is an extra step when we need to hire a company to fix the furnace or paint the ceilings. I think it is worth it, even though I’m not sure how to go about it. Is it as simple as checking their website to read their inclusion policies?

We can ALL step up

We ALL need to do something. Even if it is a small thing. Because those small things add up. And we can change this. I keep thinking about what I can do personally in my self isolation bubble.

Memes have their place but the ones I see right now fire people up without giving them an outlet for big emotions. Instead of sharing memes on Facebook, I think I would rather share resources that can help us take right actions.

Today’s resource

Rachel Ricketts’ website. It landed in my email today so I am checking it out. I read this checklist today. I see there are things I can work on. Check it out and see what you find.

What can you do? What WILL you do? Post in the comments if you know of a good resource or have ideas to share.

My #1 Tactic for Getting Around Fear

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On May 31, 2020

In Dream Big, Resources

Fear is a big obstacle for many people. Fear can stop us in our tracks. Fear can ruin our dreams.

Fear of success. Fear of failure. Fear that your secrets will be discovered. Fear of imperfection. Imposter Syndrome. The list could go on and on. In fact, there are so many ways that fear can derail us that I plan to write a lot more about it.

So how do we overcome fear? Good question – and there isn’t just one answer. But today I am sharing my number one solution to stop fear from stopping me.

Release The Fear

This is the ideal, isn’t it? Imagine how it would feel if you woke up one day and all your fear was magically gone! Sounds impossible…and it is. Too bad! But it IS possible to release one fear at a time.

Consider this acronym for F.E.A.R. False Evidence Appearing Real. Your fears are real, but what if they are based on inaccurate information?

Try it for yourself: choose a single fear, then look for evidence that this is a false assumption.

My Example of F.E.A.R.

I see a quilt pattern I like, so I buy the fabric and pattern to make it. I open the pattern instructions and I’m hit with fear that I can’t do this. It’s too complex. It’s too many steps. Some of the instructions are over my head. I’m convinced I can’t master this, so I throw it in the corner. I’m afraid I can’t do it. I’m afraid that if I try it, I’ll end up with a crappy result. People will point and laugh at my feeble attempts. (Wow, I’m really good at finding fears!)

Am I right? Let’s see.

  • Have I followed patterns before? Yes.
  • Have I followed difficult patterns before? Yes.
  • Have I had trouble with a pattern before? Yes.
  • Was I able to find help when I ran into trouble? Yes.
  • Can I follow the pattern one step at a time, instead of jumping ahead and getting lost? Yes. I might not like it, but I can slow down.
  • Have I mastered other quilting and sewing techniques? Yes. But I had crappy results until I mastered those techniques.
  • Can I make a sample block to see where I need to get help or figure out a technique? Yes.
  • Has anyone ever laughed at my efforts? Yes, actually. But I survived, and had a few laughs myself.
  • Is this fear real? Yes. Absolutely. Denying a fear is not at all helpful. But the evidence shows that I can do it anyway.

That leads me to one of the best resources I’ve ever used to release a fear. This book, “Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway”, written by Susan Jeffers. I re-read this book regularly, and every time I get something new from it.

Will you fix or remove fear forever?

Of course not! Fear is a natural part of being alive and an essential survival skill. Fear alerts us to look a little deeper, to be aware of the real danger. It is also an opportunity to look for possibilities. We can identify the dangers. We can put safeguards in place. We CAN succeed.

Let fear be your friend.

A word of warning. If you decide to look for a T.E.A.R. (True Evidence Actually Real), you will also find that. If you can’t avoid looking for this evidence, remember to also look for the opposite.

I recommend making a list of your successes. It is empowering to see just how many times you defeated your fears. You can take this a step further and write down at least three successes every day. It might look like “I combed my hair, I fed my cat, and I fed myself” some days, and that’s ok!

Dream big. Be afraid. Find your possibilities and go for it!

P.S. the link above is an affiliate link. If you click and buy this book, I may earn a small commission. Bonus: you will be giving me evidence that I can earn money with my writing – and I thank you for your support!

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