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Category: Thinking Out Loud

What Happened To My Inspiration?

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On October 29, 2020

In Dream Big, Thinking Out Loud

October is not my favorite month. In Alberta, the weather is cooling, the trees have lost most of their leaves, and things start to feel drab and colorless. And I lose my inspiration. Normally I am an optimistic person. I look for the positive in any situation. I try to see the humour in any situation.

The fall and winter months are always a challenge. Staying optimistic is hard enough at the best of times, and when my surroundings don’t inspire me, I start looking for other ways to be optimistic. Usually inspiration follows close behind.

Gratitude

If you’ve never experienced a gratitude practice, now is a great time to start. Each day think of three things that you are grateful for. You can write them down or make a game with someone else. Try to come up with something different each day. You may be grateful for something specific every day, but the point is to come up with a lot of things to be grateful for.

If you are able to capture your gratitude in a journal, on post it notes that you stick on a window, in a Day Book,  or in some other way, you can go back for inspiration when you’re having a particularly uninspired day.

Bonus: A regular gratitude practice will increase your overall life satisfaction. Google “proof that gratitude works” for the science behind it.

Hobbies

What is a hobby? One definition is “an activity done regularly in one’s leisure time for pleasure”. I think people get caught up in the idea that hobbies are crafty things that you do with your kids or grandkids. Visions of macaroni glued to a paper plate, anyone? Not so. It can be ANY activity.

Many hobbies are creative, like quilting, needlework, woodworking, welding, painting, drawing, model building, and pottery. But it doesn’t have to produce anything, other than pleasure!

Watching movies might be your thing. Bird watching can include a love of cataloging and documenting local birds, or researching and planning a vacation to see birds that aren’t native to the area. Foodies are always on the hunt for a great new recipe or restaurant.

Sports are a double bonus – exercise brings both emotional and physical aspects of health into play. Pun intended!

A hobby should inspire you, make you feel good, and even relax you. Want proof? Google “proof that hobbies are good for you” for the science behind it.

One more reason to develop hobbies while you are young – it has been shown that people who retire with hobbies to look forward to may have a happier (and sometimes longer) retirement.

If you don’t have a hobby, I highly recommend you get one – or a dozen. If you try a hobby and hate it, try a different one until you find something you enjoy.

Help Someone Else

Volunteering is proven to provide many benefits for the volunteer. By helping someone else, you help yourself to be more self confident and happier.

Don’t know where or what to volunteer? Think about the things you enjoy doing. If you love dogs, volunteer to walk a senior’s dog a few times a week, or when they are not feeling up to a walk. Or volunteer at a local shelter or vet clinic. If you enjoy driving, volunteer to drive someone who doesn’t have a vehicle. Start a carpool with your coworkers.

Can’t afford to volunteer? Look into paid options. Being paid for helping someone doesn’t cancel out the benefit!

Teaching or coaching is a great way to help people. The technology is available easily now to create and offer training courses online. This is a great option if you have a knack for explaining how to do something, and you are patient as people are learning. Coaches are found in all areas now, not just sports. There are garden coaches, life coaches, art coaches, and more.

Word of warning: Don’t over-commit yourself. That is a sure path to burnout.

Try Something New

If you have slipped into a funk, learn something new. It will boost you out of a rut, get the wheels turning in your mind, and you may even discover a new hobby or career.

It’s easy for our brains to settle into a rut, it’s the safe path and our brains like to keep us safe. But we all know that “safe” can also be “boring”. Add a little adventure to your life to shake up your brain a bit and let me know in the comments how it goes!

Now I’m Inspired!

I have inspired myself to get moving and create something. Today I think I will tackle that sweater I began sewing a few weeks ago and stopped when I ran into a difficult decision. I’m ready to take it on now!

Or maybe I will use the image from this post to make a landscape art quilt. The possibilities are endless!

Are you inspired? Share in the comments what you do to get re-inspired.

Tips For Traumatic Medical Appointments

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On October 15, 2020

In Resources, Thinking Out Loud

I have a dentist appointment today. Like many people, I freak out at the dentist.

Who Wouldn’t Be Afraid?

I am powerless and someone is going to hurt me, and I have no control over that.

Gaining control over my fear is something I do have power over. It’s not easy, but it’s possible. I have had help in coming up with a plan for today, and I will do my best to follow the plan.

This appointment is at a teaching clinic. During the initial “get to know me” appointment, I shared ALL of the trauma that contributed to my TMJ issues. No details, just that certain kinds of trauma happened. One trauma was a surprise to the student dentist, and I am quite sure that information was shared among the other students.

In fact, I hope it was shared. It is important to know how to deal with patients who have been traumatized. Be assured that it will come up at some point. I am honoured to be a “teaching patient”.

His response to me was excellent…and incomplete. He classified this trauma as a psychological trauma rather than physical trauma to the jaw (which is all I was sharing). His expectation is that the psychological trauma will cause me to feel pain differently than someone who has not been traumatized. And that I will have anxiety issues. These two assumptions may (are probably) correct. But my point was that there have been multiple physical traumas to my jaw and that information is essential to forming a complete picture, which will lead to the most effective treatment.

I wrote this post because I realize that my experiences can help others. I am late to the game in learning coping strategies that are really effective. Up until a few years ago I believed my only solution was grit my teeth and get through it…which may explain some of that TMJ problem! There are better options for traumatized patients, and I truly believe that the medical community wants to understand how to help us too.

Tips For Student Doctors

DO ask more questions when you get to a sensitive topic to ensure that you understand the patient. Traumatized people often need compassionate encouragement to fully express some things. I don’t think I fully expressed the fact that it was physical trauma I was reporting, and that the psychological trauma is something I am successfully addressing elsewhere. Being heard is a relief to many traumatized patients.

DO respect the patient’s choices. Your patient may opt not to answer and that’s ok. For some patients, explaining only increases their anxiety.

PRO TIP: offer the patient the choice not to answer.

Tips For All Medical Students

DO absorb the trauma information that has been shared. Don’t take on the trauma. Your job is not to be a therapist (unless that is the profession you’ve chosen!). Your patient doesn’t need your sympathy, they need to know you have the information to treat them effectively.

DO adjust your treatment of the patient accordingly. Be sensitive to the idea that your treatment may trigger a traumatic response. It’s not about you. You can help by understanding this and not taking it personally. For me, a clinical approach (“just the facts, ma’am”!) really helps. For others, it may be different.

DO ask your instructors for help if you’re unsure how to help a traumatized patient. Consider doing some role play scenarios with your fellow students to practice.

DO ask the patient how you can best support them today. Accept that they might not know immediately how you can support them. Let them know you will listen if they choose to speak up later.

DO NOT use the patient’s disclosure as a springboard for sharing your traumatic experiences. Your patient is already dealing with their own traumas, they do not need to (and can not) process yours. They are not being rude; they simply don’t have the bandwidth for anything more. If they were not already dealing with their own crap, chances are that they would want to be a compassionate listener for you. PLEASE DO get help from a qualified therapist if that will be helpful to you.

UNDERSTAND that your patient needs to be “selfish”, to focus all their attention on their coping strategies during the appointment.

DO be gentle with yourself. We are all learning. If you feel you made a mistake, acknowledge it, learn how to do better next time, and move on. If you need help, ask your instructors. You can even ask your patients for feedback, if you give them the option to not answer if they don’t feel comfortable.

Tips For The Medical Community

DO expect to deal with a lot of traumatized patients. They are everywhere. I expect every medical professional has had a traumatized patient that was a challenge to treat. Hats off to you for continuing the work you do.

DO educate yourselves. A ton of resources are available now that were not available a decade or more ago. Learn about ACEs, Adverse Childhood Experiences. Here is one resource: https://www.albertafamilywellness.org/what-we-know/aces.  Read The Deepest Well https://amzn.to/341rk9y (affiliate link) by Nadine Burke Harris, M.D. I’m confident that the medical community has access to many more resources for treating traumatized (aka “difficult”) patients.

PRO TIP: share resources you find helpful with your medical community. Share (respecting privacy of course!) experiences and strategies for supporting your traumatized patients.

DO ask how you can best support a patient who discloses trauma to you. Ask them how you can support them to get through the appointment. Don’t be surprised if they don’t have an answer right away and tap you on the arm 15 minutes later with an answer.

Tips For Traumatized Patients

This is your appointment. This is your time. Do whatever you need to do to cope with the anxiety, the fear, and whatever else is happening. You do not need to apologize for being a “difficult” patient, it’s not your fault you’re emotionally overloaded.

DO tell the medical staff what you will be/are experiencing (anxiety, zoning out, dissociation, etc.).

DO tell the medical staff what you need (frequent breaks from dental treatment, instructions written down in case you’ve missed something because you zoned out, specific help with grounding – like the doctor saying your name and checking in with you, etc.).

DO give the medical staff the opportunity to help you. If they didn’t care about you, they never would have gone into a medical profession. Make this assumption until proven wrong…if you’re wrong, find a different professional.

DO get help from your own support people to make a plan for coping before you get to the appointment.

Above all, give yourself a high five. You can do this. I believe in you.

Share Your Comments

Do you have coping strategies for scary situations? Consider sharing them in the comments. Your strategy might be the perfect one to someone who really needs it.

It’s a Sad Day

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On June 19, 2020

In Dream Big, Thinking Out Loud

I was hit with all kinds of doubts and fears this past week. I knew I was on the wrong track. I felt powerless. I had built up momentum on this track, I didn’t know how to shift that momentum to the right track.

My solution was to have a Sad Day.

What’s a Sad Day?

It’s not an acronym. It’s not a gimmick. It’s not a series of actions or exercises that magically make everything turn out right. It’s simply a day that I can feel sad.

Feeling our feelings is hard.

For people who have experienced trauma (isn’t that everyone?) allowing ourselves to fully feel any feeling can be terrifying. It can feel like a loss of control that will lead to complete destruction of the safe environment we’ve created. Feeling sadness can open the floodgates to overwhelming grief, anger, or depression.

Society still, even with all the progress we’ve made, tries to keep us from feeling our feelings. Or talking about them.

We try to push our feelings aside so we can examine them at a more convenient time. When that convenient time comes it’s often too late to process those feelings or act on them.

We pretend those feelings don’t exist. We think that if we admit to being sad, we are automatically labeled as depressed. Or manic because the day before we were overjoyed because something good happened.

I didn’t do any of those things this time. I decided to just have a Sad Day and let those feelings happen.

I gave myself permission to take the day off from being a happy responsible adult. I didn’t do the housecleaning or cooking or hobbies that I normally would do. I didn’t do anything productive that I normally would do.

Fortunately, I have a super supportive husband who understands Sad Days. When I told him I was taking a Sad Day, he picked up the slack where it was necessary. He knows I will do the same for him.

I wrote in my journal. I watched some Netflix. I wandered around doing nothing. I reveled in my sadness. I embraced my sadness. I listened to my sadness.

Sadness Has A Message For You

My sadness had a big message for me. In creating this blog, I followed a path laid out by others. I highly recommend learning by following an example, as it is a fast way to learn without distractions. But I forgot an important step. I didn’t pay enough attention to what I genuinely wanted to create.

My goal with this blog is to stay motivated as I write my novel. A second goal is to earn income. The recommended way to earn income quickly is to provide services. I agree with this recommendation…but it is not the ONLY way to earn income.

Copywriting and coaching services are great services and I can definitely provide them. In fact, up until 2018 that is what I provided. My Sad Day was a wake-up call that I had just recreated what I had retired in 2018 because it was not serving my purpose any more. Oops.

My Sad Day extended into the next day. I needed a little bit more time to fully integrate the message that I need to clearly define semi-retirement. There was a lot to discover after nearly 30 days on this right-turned-wrong track.

My husband, being the awesome man he is, started to nudge me along. It took him three tries to get me outside. Being outside almost always improves my mood! He built a fire in the firepit and we sat in front of the fire. He listened while I shared my discoveries. We talked about our goals as a retired couple, and how this blog/my novel fits into our shared lifestyle.

And then I went back to work. I started to re-define the blog purpose.

  • Not services.
  • Information and research – for my novel and for others.
  • Motivation – for myself and for others.
  • Recommendations for creative makers, to help them live the life they dream of.

Knowing my purpose makes it easier to identify my opportunities. How can I earn an income if the majority of my time is spent on writing and researching?

I can easily make recommendations for services or products that I have tested and researched. That’s affiliate marketing at its best. (At its worst, affiliates promote things they have no knowledge of, just to get a commission.)

I can easily use my research to write and sell ebooks that will be of value to others. I’m doing the work anyway, why not make it available? If it helps someone else to find their purpose, or to create a more successful business, that will be a bonus for me.

Today I am back on track. I have a plan to rewrite a few parts of my blog. I have my motivation back. It doesn’t feel daunting to do my daily goal. It feels exciting to move forward again.

We all need Sad Days. They give us insights into our own behaviours. They provide new opportunities to live our dreams.

The next time a Sad Day taps at your soul, stop and listen for the message. Find someone you can talk to once you hear the message. Sharing your discoveries can shine a light on new opportunities.

Let me know in the comments how you handle a Sad Day.

My Thoughts On Racism

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On June 2, 2020

In Resources, Thinking Out Loud

I am horrified by what is happening in the U.S. The level of racism and hatred and violence is increasing. I’m sickened but can’t stop watching. I’m triggered but still can’t stop watching.

I kept wanting to share anti-racist memes on Facebook. Something kept stopping me. It felt like an easy pass – “I posted this, so I’ve done my part now”. I felt I needed to go deeper. I started wondering what I can do PERSONALLY in day to day life. How can I be sure I’m not accidentally saying or doing the wrong things?

“Oh, it’s not that bad in Canada” you say? That is the worst argument ever for ignoring this. It is happening here too and eventually will escalate if we don’t stop it now. Most Canadians have friends or family in the U.S. and Canada. We have influence, even if it is a small influence.

I believe we are ALL human beings regardless of our appearance. Regardless of any other label that gets attached to a person. Personally, I hate labels. I feel that they divide us even more.

I understand that special interest groups are formed to provide a stronger voice, to fight for inclusion and equality – but I so wish they were not necessary. Wouldn’t it be a better world if special interest groups formed to share and celebrate their common characteristics, rather than huddling together for survival and safety?

I believe everyone deserves to be treated with respect and compassion. The only place we should be judged is in court as a direct result of our actions – and there is a (usually peaceful) process for that.

What CAN I do personally?

It’s easier to see why people react the way they do when we understand their story. Being on the receiving side of racism is traumatic. I can’t even begin to understand what that is like. What’s happening now is yet another full-on cultural trauma that will be felt for generations.

Examining my own white privilege and biases is eye opening. Admitting I need to change is scary. It triggers a few of my own trauma reactions. But I am not letting that stop me.

There is so much healing needed – for the entire country, both U.S. and Canada. I encourage you to have these discussions with your family and your friends.

My husband and I had a good discussion about this yesterday. We talked about what is happening in the U.S. We examined a few of our biases. We talked about how we can change our biases by learning about different cultures to understand their beliefs. We will continue to discuss it and we both want to do our part to change it.

I can challenge the family member who talks trash about people because of their appearance or their culture. I already do that. What do they know about that person’s experience or culture? Can I share what I have learned? I need to learn more, and I need to pay attention to when my biases pop up. We all have them.

I can refuse to engage in conversations or actions that insult and harm another human being. Speak up, say I am not willing to be a part of this, walk away, or challenge their point of view. I already do that, although not as well as I would like. The need to be included in a group is sometimes stronger than my moral compass.

What can you do?

Can you think of a time when you didn’t speak up on someone’s behalf – and wish you had?

Will you refuse to take on clients who are racist? And how will you screen them, so you KNOW their values?

Will you refuse to hire people – employees or businesses – who don’t value equality? How do we even do this? I admit, it is an extra step when we need to hire a company to fix the furnace or paint the ceilings. I think it is worth it, even though I’m not sure how to go about it. Is it as simple as checking their website to read their inclusion policies?

We can ALL step up

We ALL need to do something. Even if it is a small thing. Because those small things add up. And we can change this. I keep thinking about what I can do personally in my self isolation bubble.

Memes have their place but the ones I see right now fire people up without giving them an outlet for big emotions. Instead of sharing memes on Facebook, I think I would rather share resources that can help us take right actions.

Today’s resource

Rachel Ricketts’ website. It landed in my email today so I am checking it out. I read this checklist today. I see there are things I can work on. Check it out and see what you find.

What can you do? What WILL you do? Post in the comments if you know of a good resource or have ideas to share.

Why I Blog

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On May 26, 2020

In Dream Big, Thinking Out Loud

There’s something special about turning 50. For me, it was like flipping a switch. I suddenly felt I had permission to let go of all the restrictive behaviours I learned in the previous four decades.

I have been waiting for this decade all my life!

Turning 50 also had a few surprises. At 49 I ended up in the hospital with necrotizing pneumonia. If you know your Latin, you know that anything with “necrotizing” in the diagnosis is bad.

Nine days in the hospital, over 2 liters of fluid drained from my lungs, massive amounts of antibiotics, and then I was released. I was weak as a kitten. Walking more than a dozen steps was exhausting. Stay tuned, I have a story about this day that will likely end up in a novel!

Less than a month out of hospital I began experiencing stroke-like symptoms. Freaked me out. Freaked my husband out. Back to the emergency department. It turned out to be a benign meningioma and my neurosurgeon successfully removed it. Thank goodness it wasn’t cancer, but brain surgery is still no picnic.

While my health scares were treated quickly, the after effects have been a little hard to deal with. I also experienced childhood trauma, which didn’t make my more recent recovery any easier. I’m still healing.

Now here I am in my 50s. I am alive in the “me too” age, and I’m so grateful to see that trauma recovery resources are available to people of every age now.

Turning 50 was a turning point for me. After two health scares, and decades of fear around my childhood experience, I decided that enough is enough. Fear, I have realized, is the backside of excitement. Those butterflies in my stomach can stop me, or they can lift me up to new heights.

Today I give myself permission

  • To speak out when I have something to say.
  • To seek help when I need it.
  • To help others when I can.  
  • To follow my dreams.

Even when it is scary. Maybe ESPECIALLY when it is scary.

So why this blog?

When I retired my business in 2018, I expected to be happily retired with my husband. I expected to keep myself busy with new hobbies, like quilting and sewing. I expected to keep learning. And I have done all of that.

One thing I want to do in retirement is to write my novels. I’m not doing that. So this blog is my outside influence to help me stay on course.

I also created a private Facebook group. If you’ve ever felt you could achieve your big dreams if you only had a little support and encouragement, come on over and join me there. It’s an informal mastermind group, with “get-it-done” days, and opportunities to share ideas.

What would you create in your life if you didn’t let fear get in the way?

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